So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
