just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize