if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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