At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
