If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
