I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
