Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
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