my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
