i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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