sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
