do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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