Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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