to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I FOUND THE LEGS
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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