dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i wish my penis had a tongue
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
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