dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
