I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I love you. Go after that dick
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
