No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
