New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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