I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
