so that wasnt chicken after all
even my farts smell like vagina
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
