Im at strip club and am horny
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
