Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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