you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
