did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
cat food counts as protein by the way
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
