Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
