Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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