she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
So squirting runs in the family.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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