I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize