If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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