I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
