tell your sister to shave her snatch
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
