and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
