its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
