Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
