i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
