I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
