I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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