we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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