He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
