The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Randomize
