Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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