Cold hands, warm shart.
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
