at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
