just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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