Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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