I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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