You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize