My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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