is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
