I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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