Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize