Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
