and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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