Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
