Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
