Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
