I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
