Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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