He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
