if you like me you must not know who I am
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
