Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize