3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize