super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
