i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
