He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
