Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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