Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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