I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
