my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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